Of All That's Lost
by jemisard
Summary: Tidus reflects on everything Auron has lost. Auron isn't too happy about it. mild shounenai


-Of All That's Lost-

He never thought of Auron as a swordsman.

It was a weird thing to realise. He thought of Auron as many things. A warrior, a guardian, a fighter, a leader, mentor, teacher, but never, not once, did he consider him a swordsman.

Swordsman had a particular meaning in his mind. It was something of grace and finesse and speed and Auron... Auron had none of those things.

Auron had all the fighting grace of a brick. He was slow, inaccurate but when he hit, he really hit. He killed most things in a single blow.

When he actually hit.

They had travelled long and hard, back and forth over Spira. They were looking for the answer to the spiral of death, but it just wasn't forth coming. Okay, go beat Yu Yevon.

But that was an end goal, not a stepping stone along the way. So on the way, they had wandered a lot and gone and fought in the arena and generally...

Lived. Because, for some of them at least, weren't going to live past the final fight.

Today had been a little different. They had caught the ferry back to Besaid, planning on visiting the temple to awaken the fayth of Valefor.

And they'd found, stashed away in a back cupboard, a sphere. Not just any sphere. One of Braska's spheres.

Yuna had been so happy to find it, clutching it in her tiny hands as she activated it, eager to see the recording inside.

They had expected another one of Braska's absent minded recordings, simply looking and enjoying the things that were around him.

It wasn't. It was a movie of Auron and Jecht. The two of them were in the lower levels, swords drawn and faces flushed with exertion. Auron was stripped to the waist, Jecht was grinning like a loon.

They were fighting. Sparring was probably the technical term, but it didn't look like the sparring. The way they clashed together, swords locked, broke apart again and charged in, blades flashing and the distinctive ring of metal on metal; nothing about what they were doing suggested sparring.

He had watched in abject awe at the lithe and swift movements of the smaller guardian. The blows were just as heavy as ever, smashing into the other blade with brutal force. But there was none of the slow judgement he was used to.

Auron always judged his blow. Almost measured in his mind. There was none of that here. His blows fell as fast and accurate as Tidus' did now, crushing force and brutal accuracy.

"Are you planning on spending the entire day sparring?"

They paused, Auron turning to the camera while Jecht rubbed his neck. "He needs the practice before we go up the mountain."

"Eh, I'll take you any day, Auron."

"Sure, you will," Auron smiled slightly as he turned his face to the side, acknowledging Jecht's words. "You just like to pretend you can't beat me."

"Right, that's it, monk boy!" Jecht dropped the sword and charged, wrapping his arms around Auron, his hands going straight to his sides. The camera bounced with Braska's laughter as Auron yelped and kicked back against the older man, curling and sinking to the floor in breathless laughter.

There was a click and the camera went off.

They'd all turned to Auron, impassive behind his collar and glasses. Auron had stood there, not looking at them, not answering the questioning gazes.

"You an' Jecht, you were close, ya?"

"Guardians and summoners need to be close. Their lives depend on one another." He turned away, started towards the small globe in the distance. "Are you saying I should have been different from any of you on this journey?"

"No!" Wakka waved his hands back and forth. "Jus', hard to see you being all playful."

"Hn."

Now, Tidus was aware of the fact that Auron had wandered off somewhere.

It was a bad habit of Auron's. He told them to always stick together, but would promptly disappear off by himself once they were settled for the night.

Tonight, he decided to go and check.

He excused himself, followed in the direction he had seen the older man leave in. Besaid was no threat, the weak fiends found here couldn't stand against a single blow from Lulu anymore, let alone Tidus' sword.

He walked until he reached the beach and then he paused.

The man in the moonlight could almost have been the one he saw earlier today. Long dark hair whipping around his body, glasses, collar and vest all abandoned to the side, stripped to the waist, his kimono hanging by the belt.

He raised the sword, brought it down, hard, fast. Jabbed, swept it upward and spun, the air whistled as he moved and he slammed it into the ground, stepping back and bringing it up onto his shoulder again.

Then, his hand trembled. The blade fell to the ground, sand billowing up on impact. His hand went to his shoulder and Tidus saw what pained him.

His scars. The old, faded, angry scar that had been Yunalesca's parting gift to him.

"Auron?"

He didn't jump. He always seemed to know when Tidus was nearby. "What is it, boy?"

"Do you want any help?"

He didn't ask anything like 'Are you all right' or 'Is something wrong'. He knew the answers to both of those.

"I just-"

He stopped. Tidus was taken aback at how young he sounded in that moment. "Just what?"

"Wanted to see. If I could do it anymore. If the scars..." He sighed and shook his head. "An old man's dream."

"You're not old, Auron."

"Hn."

"Not that old. Not old old. Mika's old. Jyscal was old. You're... only old compared to me, yeah? Not actually old."

Finally, Auron chuckled and sat down on the sand. Tidus took the unspoken invitation and came over, collapsing in the sand next to his guardian.

He was careful not to look up too far. Auron was funny about people looking at his face. He hated people looking at his face for too long.

Instead he looked at what he never got to see. The broad and tanned chest, the jagged scarring that ran down his torso, mangled his shoulder.

On instinct, he leant closer and wrapped an arm around Auron's, hugging it. He expected a snigger or a shove but Auron stayed still, tolerating his presence.

"I was fast as you once."

"I saw. That was pretty incredible, you taking on my old man."

The man looked sideways, down onto the teen. "I was the best swordsman in Spira until I lost my sight."

Oh. The blonde looked upwards, to the blinded eye. "I didn't realise that was why you had trouble."

"I have no spacial recognition. I can't see how far away things are. I learnt to cope in Zanarkand." He turned back to the ocean, Tidus' gaze followed.

"You must have hated her."

Silence.

"I would have. She took your sight, your life, your friends-"

"Are you determined to remind me of everything I lost?"

"Sorry."

More silence. The waves lapped against the shore.

"I used to be handsome."

The made Tidus' head snap up. Auron being... uncertain?

"Before. Ten years ago." He chuckled bitterly. "I was handsome."

"Nah." The sentiment was out before Tidus thought about it. He felt Auron stiffen beside him, getting ready to pull away, close up again.

"You're handsome now." He tightened his grip, leant his head against the broad shoulder. "You were beautiful then, but you're handsome now."

"Hn."

But he didn't try to pull away again.


End file.
